Something new

According to Calorie King, I’ve gained 1.8 pounds this year. Yes, I know that’s not lots, but it’s a gain. And I totally blame it on making weight loss part of my New Year’s resolutions. Even if I gave myself the entire year to meet it.

It’s like a part of my brain went into panic mode. And I don’t know why. Fear of failure . . . again?

I can honestly say I don't think I have binged before. Sure, I can overeat on occasion, but we all do. This weekend may fall into the overeating category, but it doesn’t feel like it.

I ate two bags of Hostess powdered donettes. I rarely crave donuts, but this bordered on compulsion. Each bag had 4,200 calories, 160 g of fat, 380g of sugar and absolutely nothing nutritionally sound. Yes, each bag.

Argh. That equals 80 teaspoons of sugar. The recommended daily maximum intake is eight.

I calculated all that up as I ate the donuts (except for the teaspoons part), but I ate them anyway. It was like I had to eat the donuts. Had to. I tried to talk myself out of the second bag (which I had to go back to the store to buy), but I couldn’t.

I feel bad about it. Which happens with binging (and usually purging, but I don’t go there . . . yuck). I don’t know that I can classify it as guilt or shame. I was thinking that I wasn’t beating myself up over it, but since I’m here writing about it, I obviously am.

I don't envision it becoming a habit. But I do need to figure out what prompted it.