17 posts from February 2009

Yes, there's no picture with the story, but it's a great article about the wonders of memory loss.

Wife/Mother/Worker/Spy - When Memory Begins to Fade - NYTimes.com

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/26/fas...

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All my annual exams fall right around this time each year.

Last week I had my eyes checked. I hate that dilated part. Anyhoo. We talked about the fact that I'm not wearing my contacts any more. He told me that he finds as people move to bifocals, they usually give up their contacts. He listed a bunch of reasons why, all of which applied to me. So now I don't feel so bad about being a "lazy" contact wearer.

Mammo is next week and the dentist the week after.

Today was my "girlie" annual exam. I am thrilled with my numbers!

Cholesterol: 248 from 261 (-13)
Triglycerides: 185 from 217 (-32)
HDL: 61 from 53 (+8 - which is good).
LDL: 140 from 187 (-47)

OK, so they're still high: cholesterol < 200. Triglycerides < 150. LDL < 100.  But it's coming down because I've lost weight. My doctor says in 10 pounds or so my numbers might be normal. Whoo!

However, for two years now I've had blood in my urine, so she said she's sending me to a urologist. I hope she forgets. And she wants me to be Brac tested. Ugh. I can never be without a job because I won't be able to afford all my pre-existing conditions!

This morning I stopped at Starbucks on my way to read. I had a tall Skinny Vanilla Latte and it was good.

Three weeks in and I am done. The valuable lesson is that I do eat out too much. But instead of it being about the ease of eating out, it helped me see those meals are essentially my social life.

For the last three weeks, I have eaten nearly every meal alone and it was really starting to affect my attitude. And not for the better.

I've been getting crankier, which has kept me keeping pretty quiet (as to not offend folks more than normal), which in turn isolated me even more. A few days ago, a close friend called me out on it:

I really wish you'd call a halt to the eating out ban. I don't think that is healthy for anyone. Life is way too short. I wish you'd go to Starbucks and order your fav and enjoy.

It made me smile that she cared enough to say something. And it made me think, "She's right. This is stupid."  It got me to thinking about how isolating it'd been and freed me to break up with the idea.

I did good for 20 days, but it's over. Sorry Suze.

Today is the half-way mark in my quest to go one month without eating out. I had a clean week, but it is difficult. I think about eating out every day. Starbucks is probably been the hardest to give up. Pei Wei would be a distant second. I guess I see Starbucks as a treat. Not something I do every day, but I've probably thought about it every day. For instance, I have a "lab" appointment with my doctor this week. When I saw it on my calendar, I automatically thought of it as a time that I could stop at Starbucks after. Then I remembered.

Obviously I've not been as successful posting every day here. I think about it. I even have a list of potential topics. I sit at my Mac every night. I just don't write.

I love my iPhone. But after last months text charges, I signed up for the $5 for 200 minutes deal. Cause apparently 300+ individually paid texts equals $68. I am such a ding-dong sometimes.

Mom got great news this week. She went to the oncologist for her three month checkup. She's coming up on the "gap" pat of her prescription insurance already. That meant $900+ for 90 days. So I suggested she ask Dr. K if he knows if that drug maker (or other program) helps cover the costs. Instead he got up, brought her 90 days of pills and told her to come back when she ran out. He told her not to "sweat" it, that he'd keep her in meds. He is such a good guy. If I ever get cancer, he is so my guy. Oh, and all is well on the breast cancer front!

I'm going to Africa. In 121 days!

According to Calorie King, I’ve gained 1.8 pounds this year. Yes, I know that’s not lots, but it’s a gain. And I totally blame it on making weight loss part of my New Year’s resolutions. Even if I gave myself the entire year to meet it.

It’s like a part of my brain went into panic mode. And I don’t know why. Fear of failure . . . again?

I can honestly say I don't think I have binged before. Sure, I can overeat on occasion, but we all do. This weekend may fall into the overeating category, but it doesn’t feel like it.

I ate two bags of Hostess powdered donettes. I rarely crave donuts, but this bordered on compulsion. Each bag had 4,200 calories, 160 g of fat, 380g of sugar and absolutely nothing nutritionally sound. Yes, each bag.

Argh. That equals 80 teaspoons of sugar. The recommended daily maximum intake is eight.

I calculated all that up as I ate the donuts (except for the teaspoons part), but I ate them anyway. It was like I had to eat the donuts. Had to. I tried to talk myself out of the second bag (which I had to go back to the store to buy), but I couldn’t.

I feel bad about it. Which happens with binging (and usually purging, but I don’t go there . . . yuck). I don’t know that I can classify it as guilt or shame. I was thinking that I wasn’t beating myself up over it, but since I’m here writing about it, I obviously am.

I don't envision it becoming a habit. But I do need to figure out what prompted it.

Someone tried to get into my backyard (and then, I'm assuming, my house) Saturday morning. I'd gone to read, so it happened between 7:45 and 10:15 am. Early risers these MoFo's.

They almost broke down my wooden gate, that's how I noticed when I pulled in the driveway. I'd been out there the weekend before working on it because it wasn't staying closed. That's how I know it was closed. Locked. A cinder block on the other side to help hold it closed.

It's troubling. Is it the same robber coming back? A new set?

Well, yes, I suppose I am. But, really, what is age? And when someone is in need of comfort, does it really matter who or what provides it?

I've slept with Schlep for about seven years. I got him when I was in the depths of my depression. I just felt like I needed something to hold. A security blanket of sorts.

Trust me, I felt a little silly. But Schlep got me through some really rough nights.

And now? He's more of a habit. An arm pillow of sorts.

Gigi was very threatened by him for a long time. Now she knows she's alpha dog around here, so even she sleeps on him sometimes. It makes me smile.

I had lunch with a friend today, but she paid. We tried a new Indian restaurant, but it wasn't that great. I'm glad mom is gone for the weekend so I don't have to resist temptation from her!

I've had thoughts every day about buying something to eat, but it only takes a sec for me to remember the challenge.

I have wrestled with buying Chinese stir-fry from a local grocery store (made fresh in front of you). I feel conflicted, wondering if it doesn't count as eating out (even if I take it home). I figure if I feel conflicted, it counts.

After my Godson's basketball game last night (last one of the season for me - boo!), I made several stops along the way home. But I hadn't had time to eat at home before the game. So I was hungry. It would've been so easy to just grab something. But I prevailed. And ate a candy bar at mom's house while I fed her cats. Maybe that wasn't so much of a win, it being candy and all.

I wish mine would stop sending 45 pictures in a single email. Yes, I've recommended Snapfish, flickr, etc . . . but he keeps sending these gigunda emails.

Mom is in Phoenix visiting her brother. She's as exasperated with hers as I am with mine, so I don't know why she makes such a big about us not getting along. I mean, she only went today and I think he is already hitting some of those last nerves. I have no doubt that before she comes home she will give him the what-for. I already told her tonight, "Well, you just remember I told you to leave later and come home earlier, but no . . ."