9 posts tagged “godfather”

I was laying in bed this morning and got to thinking about my Godfather. I haven't seen him since the funeral, which in turn got me thinking about my Godmother. I was thinking about that terrible place she died in when Gigi came over and stuck her tongue up my nose. Kind of took the seriousness out of the moment.

Do you know any war veterans?
Submitted by Fightin' 6th Marines.

I do. My Godfather. It's sad because it's what he talks about most. As if the rest of his life didn't mean enough. HE spent 18 months oversees -- in hindsight you'd think it had been 18 years. It's sad that for his entire life that is all he has left to remember.

Today we are going to the cemetery for the first time to see where my Godmother is buried.

An exchange in the car on the way to the funeral home:

Godfather: What's wrong with you?

Son #2: Mom's dead Dad -- that's what's wrong with me.

Godparents

Tonight I picked out the outfit my Godmother will be buried in.

My Godfather asked my mom, who asked me what I thought she should pick. I'll go with you. I knew exactly what I wanted her to wear. A dress set she always looked so nice in.

But it wasn't there. Her wardrobe has been butchered. By her, by him, I don't know. Suits with no skirt, tops with no matching bottoms. Dirty clothes.

I finally settled on a blouse I recognized and a red skirt. I hope they tuck the blouse in around her or she'll get lost in it. I added a small pair of earrings to which my Godfather said, "I'd have never thought you put jewelry on a dead person."

Well, I do. And I will call tomorrow to make sure they shave her lip. And I will arrive early at the viewing to make sure she looks ok. That her lipstick is a good color and her hair is done right. That she looks like herself.

I think I have some serious PMS tonight. I just could not do all the moves in yoga/pilates tonight. I had to stop and rest a while. That sucked.

Then I got all teary talking about my Godmother with my mom. Seems my Godfather is preparing to have a garage sale and is gathering her things. He even wants to sell her paintings, which he should really give to their sons and me. Yes, me.

I may be lousy with what's going on right now, but I put in 38 good years with her. I am the daughter they never had. I am her family. I know that's what she would want.

I feel awful that I don't go see her. But I just can't. It's so terrible. She's gone already. I want to remember her remembering me. She has to be spoon fed now. I could do that, just not in this awful place she lives now.

The doctor put him on anti-depressants. I hope he comes out of that fog and sees where she really is.

I wish that God would take her. When she fell that's what I wished for. So that she would be in a better place. Not trapped in that body. And maybe that's just to make things easier on us, but I just miss her so. It's hard to remember that she's still here. Alone in that place. I just want things to be better for her.

Today was a good day.

I took a co-worker with me to visit my Godmother during lunch. She speaks Spanish, so I thought she could help me translate what's been going on.

When we got there, Gina was in the hall and recognized me immediately. Came right to me and started talking to me. I can't even begin to tell you what a HUGE relief it was to see her more like herself.

Seems Gina has been combative. Sometimes it takes three of them to get her pants on. And it seems she got into a hair pulling match with someone. Oh, and she's fallen and hit her head [which required x-rays].

Even with all the negatives, I felt like a different person when I left there. Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Today is my Godfather's birthday. Mom told him a week or so ago that we'd take him to dinner. We went to Red Lobster and had a delicious meal with decent conversation. I just kep trying to reassure him that we know he's doing what needs to be done right now. That we support him. That her being in a nursing home is the best for both of them.

Again he started with the "why should I put her name on a wait list until I know she's certified?" I told him that it didn't cost money to be on the wait list, so why not. Then when she is certified and a bed opens up we are ready to go. So by the end of the evening he said he'd call because, "what can it hurt?" Hallelujah.

I feel for him because he really doesn't seem to understand that part of her really is gone forever. He doesn't understand why she doesn't ask how the dog is. Or where her sons are. Or how we are. I told him that we just have to accept that she will probably never ask those questions again.

I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of myself and how I handled him. I was really dreading dinner and had already told mom that I wasn't sure how I might react if he started up with the "well she doesn't know where she is" crap. Which he did say, and to which I replied, "But we know." Frankly, I am certain she knows too because today she told me, "I don't like this." I told her that I didn't either and that we were working to get her out of there.

Indeed, today was a good day and I thank God for that.

I went to see my Godmother this afternoon. They let me in to tell me that she was moved on Saturday and they didn't know to where. What a jerk my Godfather can be.

I spent eight hours with my Godmother at the nursing home on Sunday. Truth be told, we had a wonderful time together. She fed herself breakfast and took a short nap before we got her into a wheelchair and I took her through the facility. At one point she told me, “This is a nice place.”

We went to a church service and she sang along with a few of the songs. She has spoken more full phrases and made more sense to me in the last few days than she has in a long, long time.

After I wheeled her back to her room, she indicated that she wanted to walk, so we did. And she walked, and she walked, and she walked. It was great. She was calm and content. We ending up in the dining room, where she ate her lunch with the other patients. It made me feel so hopeful about Regent being the perfect place for her.

As we were walking later, we ran into the aide who was going to shower her later. She introduced herself, “My name is Ada.” Gina responded in kind, “I’m Gina.” I literally slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from gasping out loud. I seriously wanted to cry. Not only because she understood, but she remembered how to reply appropriately.

It gave me such hope for what a good night’s sleep and three square meals a day might do for her.

I took yesterday off from Gina duty, so mom stopped by on her way home from work. My Godfather was gone and one of her sons was there with her. He told mom they are sending Gina home tomorrow. I nearly fell off my couch.

I just KNEW he wasn’t asking the right questions as they pushed us out of the hospital Friday. Turns out the HMO will pay for five nights in a nursing home while she recovered from that head bash. And no more.

Terry told mom that his dad was looking at another nursing home that was “cheaper” than the one he originally selected. I just want to smack him. If the roles were reversed, she’d be out there working two jobs if that’s what it took to make sure he received the care he deserved.

Argh!! They just can’t send her home. She is so much better. I would hate to lose all that we’ve seen in the last few days. Freaking system.

I've had a hellacious few days.

On Thursday, Mom called in the 11 o'clock hour to let me know that my Godmother had fallen at home, hit her head and was on her way to the hospital by ambulance.

I went to where mom was to pick her up and we went to the hospital. At that time Gina was in getting a catscan to see if there was additional damage. Thankfully there wasn't. She did need about six staples to close the gash.

The worst part was the Alzheimer's. She didn't understand what was going on or why she was there or why people were hurting her. I happen to be in there with her younger son when they wanted to give her some Adivan for the pain and to help calm her down. She is so thin they had to try three different places before they could get the needle in. That process was awful. She thrashed and yelled and was just plain ugly.

The whole day was that way. She was just aggitated and wanted to leave. She swung at people (made contact with me once), cursed, tried to pull out her staples, tried to pull off the heart moniter, sat up, swung her legs, kicked, pinched . . . it was a long day.

Finally at 7 pm, a "patient sitter" arrived and took over keeping her under control. Thank heavens for that.

Initially the hospital was going to send her home. We balked. So, she will stay there three midnights (that's what medicare/medicaid requires) and then she will be sent to a nursing home.

They finally got her into a room about 10:30 pm. Mom and I got her situated. Her sons left in the 3 o'clock hour and husband left right after 7 pm.

Yesterday we got my her moved into a nursing home. I'm not sure that it's the right long-term (perhaps even short term) choice, but what's done is done.

Her demeanor was SO much better yesterday. She ate a really great dinner, more than I have seen her eat in ages. She talked a lot and even a few things made sense. Like, "This is a lousy way to die." It was like someone stabbed me in the heart when she said that.

She got really aggitated when her husband came in and started making calls in front of her. She knew what was about to happen. She started to cry when they put her on the gurney for the transfer. I reassured her before it got too high drama. As the techs from the critical care cab were pushing her ahead of us I heard her ask, "Where the hell are you taking me?" We all got a good chuckle over that one.

We met the cab (really a van with a stretcher) at the nursing home. My Godfather made it about 20 minutes after that (no telling). We stayed while my Godfather met with the agency that provides the sitters. She seemed ok and napped some. I'm not sure what happened after we left or today.

Today when we got to the nursing home, Gina was sleeping. Talking with my Godfather is a nightmare. You talk, he can't hear, you talk louder, he still can't hear, you get frustrated and shout a little, he goes off like a rocket.

Some ladies from their church came while we were there. He was insistent on waking Gina up because she had "company." It's like everyone in the room gets it but him. He cranked her bed so that she was sitting straight up, dazed and drowsy. All four of us were telling him to stop, but he'll be damned to do what someone else tells him to. As soon as he stopped I walked over and cranked her back down to a normal position. Argh. I really could have throttled him.

I am going in the morning to relieve the night sitter so he can go to church. He's been talking about this special sermon tomorrow, so I figured I'd give him some time to sleep in, get to church, have lunch and come relieve me.

I am going to take some nail polish remover, clippers and clear polish to clean up her nails. I wish she could have a shower because her hair is still matted with blood and I know she wishes it could be brushed.

Over yet? Ha. Who I am kidding?