Says Me

Still Alice

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 20:43:24 -0500

Lisa Genova

This is a very interesting work of fiction about a woman coming to terms with early on-set Alzheimer's. She's diagnosed just before her 50th birthday.

The book was written from Alice's perspective. She starts out like we all do. Misplacing our keys. A temporary moment of, "Now, where am I?" Her slide is pretty quick over the course of the book. Along the way she sees how her husband handles the situation. Or doesn't. How her children, who may or may not have the gene, take care of her.

It's lovely. The writing style. The story itself scares the shit out of me. I wonder about how I will die. I wonder if the time will come when I no longer know who I am. Or who you are.

I joke that I'm nice to my Godson and his sister so they will come visit me in the old folk's home. But the reality is, who will take care of me if or when I can no longer speak for myself?

I'll be the first to admit I have control issues. As in, I must be in control, issues. What will happen when I don't? Will I be like the character and just move sunnily along, first fighting the disease and then forgetting all about it?

Who do I give that responsibility to? When it's not really fair to expect someone to take it on at all?

This past week I've been feeling a real sense of loss-of-control. I mean, my eating. One of the things I can control. And I wasn't. I've been thinking, thinking, thinking. Trying to figure out what set me off. Then, today, it hit me. This book. My sense of not being able to control something. Behaving so that maybe someone will take over for me.

And now I am calm. Back to feeling like everything is going to be ok. Tonight I made brown rice and veggies. It tastes wonderful. Much better than the baked lays and onion dip that left a nasty taste in my mouth last night. And the night before.

I feel a sense of relief. Thank God for that.

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Something new

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:52:03 -0600

According to Calorie King, I’ve gained 1.8 pounds this year. Yes, I know that’s not lots, but it’s a gain. And I totally blame it on making weight loss part of my New Year’s resolutions. Even if I gave myself the entire year to meet it.

It’s like a part of my brain went into panic mode. And I don’t know why. Fear of failure . . . again?

I can honestly say I don't think I have binged before. Sure, I can overeat on occasion, but we all do. This weekend may fall into the overeating category, but it doesn’t feel like it.

I ate two bags of Hostess powdered donettes. I rarely crave donuts, but this bordered on compulsion. Each bag had 4,200 calories, 160 g of fat, 380g of sugar and absolutely nothing nutritionally sound. Yes, each bag.

Argh. That equals 80 teaspoons of sugar. The recommended daily maximum intake is eight.

I calculated all that up as I ate the donuts (except for the teaspoons part), but I ate them anyway. It was like I had to eat the donuts. Had to. I tried to talk myself out of the second bag (which I had to go back to the store to buy), but I couldn’t.

I feel bad about it. Which happens with binging (and usually purging, but I don’t go there . . . yuck). I don’t know that I can classify it as guilt or shame. I was thinking that I wasn’t beating myself up over it, but since I’m here writing about it, I obviously am.

I don't envision it becoming a habit. But I do need to figure out what prompted it.

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I ate out today

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 19:15:05 -0600

I had lunch with a friend today, but she paid. We tried a new Indian restaurant, but it wasn't that great. I'm glad mom is gone for the weekend so I don't have to resist temptation from her!

I've had thoughts every day about buying something to eat, but it only takes a sec for me to remember the challenge.

I have wrestled with buying Chinese stir-fry from a local grocery store (made fresh in front of you). I feel conflicted, wondering if it doesn't count as eating out (even if I take it home). I figure if I feel conflicted, it counts.

After my Godson's basketball game last night (last one of the season for me - boo!), I made several stops along the way home. But I hadn't had time to eat at home before the game. So I was hungry. It would've been so easy to just grab something. But I prevailed. And ate a candy bar at mom's house while I fed her cats. Maybe that wasn't so much of a win, it being candy and all.

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Happy New Year to me!

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:31:20 -0600

I'm wearing my "fat" jeans today. They are large on me and I had a quick vision of me walking in them and having them fall down. So I stopped. Made a couple of tugs and down they came. Without being unzipped or unbuttoned. Now, they are not to the falling-off point yet, but I am holding on to them until that day!

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My contribution to the meal

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 10:35:54 -0600

Acornsquash

Acornsquashall

Salad

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Barack Obama Discusses The Dangers Of Modern Factory Agriculture

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 10:40:59 -0600

Barack Obama Discusses The Dangers Of Modern Factory Agriculture // Archives // ecorazzi.com :: the

http://www.ecorazzi.com/2008/11/17/ba...

“I was just reading an article in The New York Times by Michael Pollan about food and the fact that our entire agricultural system is built on cheap oil. As a consequence, our agriculture sector actually is contributing more greenhouse gases than our transportation sector. And in the mean time, it’s creating monocultures that are vulnerable to national security threats, are now vulnerable to sky-high food prices or crashes in food prices, huge swings in commodity prices, and are partly responsible for the explosion in our healthcare costs because they’re contributing to type 2 diabetes, stroke and heart disease, obesity, all the things that are driving our huge explosion in healthcare costs.”

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Mandating Calorie Counts on Menus Nationwide | Newsweek.com

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 13:40:28 -0600

Mandating Calorie Counts on Menus Nationwide | Newsweek Health | Newsweek.com

http://www.newsweek.com/id/169017?fro...

The awful caloric truth may be coming to a restaurant near you. Sen. Tom Harkin and Rep. Rosa DeLauro announced today that they plan to reintroduce legislation in the next Congress, that would require nutrition labeling on chain-restaurant menus across the country. But is it really a dietary deterrent to know that some coffee-shop scones have 700 calories—or will we just avert our eyes from those startling numbers and remain in dining denial?

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Mini-er me

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 11:15:58 -0500

Yesterday I went on a mini shopping spree and bought three pairs of new work pants. All in a size smaller than what I have been wearing. I won our office "Biggest Loser" and $155, so ever better -- they were "free" pants!

In February 07, I went to the doctor weighing the most I've ever weighed in my life. Since then, I've lost 19 lbs. It's been a slow process, but I'm glad that not only have I continued to lose, but I've kept off what I've lost. Yay me!

I'm not where I want to be yet. But for the first time in my life, I'm not discouraged because I haven't lost everything "right now." I'm happy that I've continued to plug away at it.

My next goal is 10 more lbs before Africa in June 09.

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I am a Vegetarian

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:20:13 -0500

One year ago today I took my last bite of a hamburger.

One year later I can say with conviction, I am a vegetarian.

Seafood was really the only thing I craved. Once my doctor encouraged me to eat fish for my heart, I jumped right in. Maybe a half-dozen times. But I just couldn't get past the this is an animal thought. It just felt wrong in my mouth. I'll have to discuss with my doctor other ways to get good oils for my heart.

I'm just as surprised as anyone that a year later I am still meatless. I was totally a "Real girls eat meat" kind of girl. Fajitas? Beef. Salad? Steak on top. Pizza? Pepperoni. I was definitely a carnivore.

It's been easier than I expected. I thought there would be many temptations. Many cravings to overcome. But that hasn't been the case. Occasionally I might smell something cooking and think that it smelled good, but there's never been a moment when I thought, maybe just a taste.

Now, if only I were a vegetarian who ate more veggies. ;-)

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Time to detox

nobody@vox.com(Sooz) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:15:23 -0500

I did really well at the beginning of the year, not having sugar and eating pretty well. Then I gave myself a reprieve after my doctor appointment (I was down 10 lbs from last year and my cholesterol had dropped 30 points). Um, yeah. That was in February. Oops.

I've thought about doing a Master Cleanse in the past and chickened out.

Well, I just took the first plunge and started the Whole Body Cleanse. My mom saw it a couple weeks ago on a local "Living" type show and told me about it. Apparently the host had tried the product and had rave reviews. Mom was also impressed by the doctor who recommended it.

I checked it out at Whole Foods but decided to wait since I had that mini-vacay to Orlando coming up. Now I feel pretty motivated to get back on track (and clean my colon out).

Tonight I decided there is no time like the present. I just took:

Whole Body Cleanse Laxative Formula -- three tablets
Fiber Fusion Drink Mix -- one packet with 8 oz. water
Super Milk Thistle -- one tablet

The drink mix was like drinking a thinner version of Metamucil.

The instructions included a list of foods to eat/not eat. I also found Juliette's 7-Day Detox Plan and it offers a more specific list of foods. It is what I will use to select meals from in the coming two weeks.

I will post my experience with this process in the coming days, so stay posted!

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