4 posts tagged “healthy living”
So, have I mentioned lately that I am going to Africa? Because I am. In 64 days, to be exact.
Anyway. I am feeling better. I tried upping the Wellbutrin when I remembered why I stopped the first time. My tinnitus gets really loud. Like wake me up loud. I didn't realize until I did some poking around that not everyone has tinnitus. I honestly thought everyone has some level of it. Ringing in the ears. I also learned it can be some really weird noises, so I'm glad mine is just ringing.
I have it all the time. For as long as I remember. Every day life just drowns it out and I don't normally notice it unless the room is quiet (like at night, in bed). But with the Wellbutrin, I could hear it while I was watching TV. And the volume I needed to drown it out was annoyingly loud. So I backed off.
We're having a step contest at work, so I've been walking a lot each day. I imagine even that little bit of exercise is helping. And I've come to acknowledge that some issues with a friendship contributed to the episode. But I decided if my friend needs space, I can give that to her. I just hope she comes back around some day.
About two years ago, I had a friend I hasn't seen in a while move to Austin. She'd been out-of-state for several years, so we made plans a couple times to get together, but I canceled. I didn't know how to explain what I felt, so when I tried it made things bad and we're not friends anymore.
Things are back on an upswing. I know that if this continues to happen, the low-lows, that I need to talk with my doctor about it. I've been well enough for long enough periods of time to know that I don't need to feel that way.
The book was written from Alice's perspective. She starts out like we all do. Misplacing our keys. A temporary moment of, "Now, where am I?" Her slide is pretty quick over the course of the book. Along the way she sees how her husband handles the situation. Or doesn't. How her children, who may or may not have the gene, take care of her.
It's lovely. The writing style. The story itself scares the shit out of me. I wonder about how I will die. I wonder if the time will come when I no longer know who I am. Or who you are.
I joke that I'm nice to my Godson and his sister so they will come visit me in the old folk's home. But the reality is, who will take care of me if or when I can no longer speak for myself?
I'll be the first to admit I have control issues. As in, I must be in control, issues. What will happen when I don't? Will I be like the character and just move sunnily along, first fighting the disease and then forgetting all about it?
Who do I give that responsibility to? When it's not really fair to expect someone to take it on at all?
This past week I've been feeling a real sense of loss-of-control. I mean, my eating. One of the things I can control. And I wasn't. I've been thinking, thinking, thinking. Trying to figure out what set me off. Then, today, it hit me. This book. My sense of not being able to control something. Behaving so that maybe someone will take over for me.
And now I am calm. Back to feeling like everything is going to be ok. Tonight I made brown rice and veggies. It tastes wonderful. Much better than the baked lays and onion dip that left a nasty taste in my mouth last night. And the night before.
I feel a sense of relief. Thank God for that.
All my annual exams fall right around this time each year.
Last week I had my eyes checked. I hate that dilated part. Anyhoo. We talked about the fact that I'm not wearing my contacts any more. He told me that he finds as people move to bifocals, they usually give up their contacts. He listed a bunch of reasons why, all of which applied to me. So now I don't feel so bad about being a "lazy" contact wearer.
Mammo is next week and the dentist the week after.
Today was my "girlie" annual exam. I am thrilled with my numbers!
Cholesterol: 248 from 261 (-13)
Triglycerides: 185 from 217 (-32)
HDL: 61 from 53 (+8 - which is good).
LDL: 140 from 187 (-47)
OK, so they're still high: cholesterol < 200. Triglycerides < 150. LDL < 100. But it's coming down because I've lost weight. My doctor says in 10 pounds or so my numbers might be normal. Whoo!
However, for two years now I've had blood in my urine, so she said she's sending me to a urologist. I hope she forgets. And she wants me to be Brac tested. Ugh. I can never be without a job because I won't be able to afford all my pre-existing conditions!
I'm wearing my "fat" jeans today. They are large on me and I had a quick vision of me walking in them and having them fall down. So I stopped. Made a couple of tugs and down they came. Without being unzipped or unbuttoned. Now, they are not to the falling-off point yet, but I am holding on to them until that day!
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