5 posts tagged “mad”

I'm at the library right now, and let me tell you -- I blend. Thankfully all the homeless guys were kind enough to let me be in the first 10.

I am really torn between buying now and reimbursing myself when the insurance check comes. Problem is I still need to file the claim. I think I finally have all the documents I need and hope to get to it this week.

I am still just hating the whole situation. The alarm. Having to file. Watching my still-jumpy-nearly-three-weeks-later cat.

I noticed Thursday night that my main suitcase is gone. You know, the nice one you have that is just the right size? That one. I kept telling people that "they" broke into my house. I figured there was no way one person could carry the monitor, the box, the printer, the modem and all the cables by themselves. Now, I guess it could've been one person. Mother fucker.

Drowning

To dream that you are drowning, signifies that you are overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that are coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts and therefore must proceed more cautiously and slowly.

Yep, that sounds about like me these days. Trying to live in the land of denial.

So yesterday I decided that in addition to being robbed, they also took my sense of safety with them.

There's never been any place that I have not felt "safe." In every home I've felt safe -- to the point of my detriment sometimes. Just always feeling that I would be ok there. That nothing would happen there.

In the dreams I've been having, I'm dying. The one I remember from this morning, I was drowning. I know now that's because a little piece of me has died. That part of me that felt safe anywhere. Anytime.

This thing has literally knocked me off balance. I've been having a hard time with my vertigo. It's something I've struggled with since I was a child, but has gotten better as I've gotten older.

Well, except for the falling part. I fall more than anyone I know. And this morning was no different.

I didn't lift my foot high enough and hit the edge of my back deck this morning. I hate that moment when I realize I am going down.

I landed pretty hard on my left knee. For some reason it always seems to get the brunt of my falls. It's been a couple years since my last really good fall at Uncle Bud's house. It is swollen and the skin is scraped off, but I'll survive.

I'm at the library right now because I was having writing withdrawal. Yet at the same time I am afraid to buy a new computer because they might come back to get it. I hate to think I'll need an alarm system before I can feel safe in my own home again.

So this morning I remembered another ring that is missing. My best friend gave it to me when I graduated from college. I was planning on giving it to her daughter when she graduated high school. *sucks*

And now, what to do about a new PC? Buy now? Wait? Piece meal something together? Splurge on an Apple?

The dog is doing ok, but the cat still seems a little freaked out.

I'm not really sure where I am at in the process. Still feeling a little spacy and distracted.

I can see where the little shits hit my car with that rock or whatever. It's nothing major and won't be noticible to anyone but me. Still, it's the principle of "having fun" by hurting others. What if I had been an older person? What if I had been packing? (We're big on that in Texas, you know.) What if I'd had a baby in the back seat and the window shattered?