4 posts tagged “remembering”

Once again, it's time for the Mayfly Project.

Meish asks, "we invite readers to look back on the last twelve months of their lives and reflect on what has been important, defining or constant during that particular year, and then sum their year up in just 24 words."

Last year.

2008: Cancer. Gerry. PVCs. Orlando. Godson and sister. Parenting the parent. Dysfunctional family. iPhone. Coming into my own. Hope for 2009: Yes We Can.

Yesterday was a blah day for me. And I didn’t figure out why until this morning.

Gina died one year ago yesterday.

And I knew that. Kept talking about it beforehand. Thought I’d go to the cemetery. Yet, the day passed with me mostly in bed. Napping or reading. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so lousy.

Mom and I talked on Sunday that for it to be a whole year seems impossible. That it actually seems much longer. But that’s because for us, she left long before her body did.

I’ve not seen my Godfather for a year now. And I have no plans to see or talk to him either. Yes, I told mom that I know I’m only hurting myself for hanging on to that anger. At him for leaving her in that hellhole. I’m sure there are worse nursing homes she could’ve been in, but not by much.

And you know what? I don’t like him. I haven’t for a long time. His racist, sexist "jokes" and stories. His need to be right (even if he isn’t) and to be the center of attention. So when I told mom that we probably would’ve dumped him long ago if it weren’t for Gina, she had to agree.

We talked about how we still miss her. How we catch ourselves thinking of picking her up to "go running" with us. I probably don’t do it as much as mom does, but it’s still painful when it happens.

I went back this morning and re-read that week last year. It brought tears to my eyes to remember:

As the minister said, she is in heaven now, talking up a storm. Catching up on all the things she had to say these past few years. And when she is finished, she will pick up her brush and paint again, using the heavens as her canvass.

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage -- pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically -- to say 'no' to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside.  The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good.' -- Stephen Covey

Today, in honor of those who lost their lives on September 11th five years ago, I invite you to participate in a ritual I use to remind myself of the things that mattered most on September 12th. During the day after the attacks, so many people were acutely aware of something special -- the innate goodness in humanity that had millions wanting to help, or the natural compassion we held for one another that caused us to light candles, lay flowers, say prayers, or send money. Many of us experienced first-hand the beautiful empathy we possess that made it easy to step into a stranger's shoes and imagine what it must be like to desperately search for a loved one or to experience the deep, searing pain of loss. And most of us felt an instinctive, almost primitive need to reach out to loved ones and hold them close.

September 11th was a pivotal event in my life. Having spent that morning at Boston's Logan Airport in lock down while state police searched for hijackers, I will forever feel intimately connected to the circumstances of that day. When the first plane hit the World Trade Center, I was sitting on an American Airlines flight to California waiting for my friend Max to arrive. For the first time in our ten-year friendship, we were traveling together on vacation.  Needless to say, our flight never took off, and that experience marked a turning point in my life. Over the next several months, everything came under scrutiny -- my relationships, my work, how I spent my time, and the legacy I would have left behind had my life ended.

That day showed me the true, universal priorities we all need to keep at the forefront of our minds -- how connected we are to our own soul, to each other, and to a Divine Power. Realizing this truth in such an earth-shattering way gave me the courage to make tough, sometimes unpopular, choices to insure that my life was reflecting what I valued most. I decided to travel less and be home more.  I spent more quiet time alone. I made my connection to God more of a priority, and I started the ritual of answering the following questions each year on September 11th that I share here with you today. These questions are designed to bring you back to September 12th -- the day that inspired us to raise the bar on what it means to live a meaningful and fulfilling life.

Take some time to think about the state of your life now.  Take a walk during lunch and think about the following questions. Print them out and discuss them during dinner with family or friends. Spend an hour by yourself writing the answers in a journal or notebook. Don't wait for another crisis to take your life seriously.  Do it now . . .

~*~ What were my priorities on September 12th, 2001?  Have I continued to honor them?
~*~ Am I pleased with how I'm spending my precious time on earth?
~*~ Am I spending enough time with the people who matter most?
~*~ Am I doing my best to listen to the voice of my soul so I make real, honest choices based on what I most want?
~*~ If today were my last day on earth, would I feel good about what I'm leaving behind?
~*~ Am I sharing (or working toward sharing) my God-given gifts and talents with others?
~*~ Are there any petty disagreements or differences that I need to just let go of once and for all?
~*~ Is there someone I need to forgive?

As I set out to complete this ritual myself, I send my love to those of you who were touched by the events of that day.  Whether you lost a loved one, a job, hope, or faith in a positive future, always remember that you have a place here with us in a wonderful community of like-minded souls who care.